


Enough

by ftchocoholic



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asperger Syndrome, Autism, Autistic Fitzsimmons, Episode: s01e20 Nothing Personal, Gen, Meltdown, Panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1611719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftchocoholic/pseuds/ftchocoholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, everything is just too much  and you can't hold it in any more.<br/>A rewrite of a scene from s01e20 Nothing Personal with Leo Fitz POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick one-shot which explores the headcanon that Fitzsimmons are autistic. I apologise for the lack of beta-ing.

It didn’t make sense. Change had never been his strong point, he knew that, but this was just too much. The straw that broke the camel’s back, if you were feeling profound about the whole bloody mess. The loss of S.H.I.E.L.D., even his identity, could be dealt with through swift compartmentalisation. Well, not really deal with. Ignore. What? He had had enough distractions at the time to make it inconvenient for them all if he had a meltdown. 

They were in the canteen now. Simmons was checking over Koenig’s body, preparing to give the post-mortem report. Normally, he’d be entirely focussed upon her, but today ordered thought was swiftly becoming less of an option. His mind was beginning to whirl, cutting down to just one train of thought [impossiblenonotWardhewasafriendwhywouldafrienddothathecan’tbeHydraitdoesn’tmakeanysense] that he felt he had to verbalise. Triplett had other ideas though, cutting him off abruptly halfway through. Deep down, Fitz knew that there was care behind the other agent’s actions, but right now he only felt annoyance. Who was Triplett to just waltz onto their team and draw Jemma away from him? What made him so special, that he could just slot in to a group, in a way that Fitz never could? Now Triplett was touching him. Didn’t he know, understand, that touching was never a good idea? Or that Ward, who’d saved Simmons’ life, could not be a traitor because it just wasn’t possible? 

Simmons was working now, her hands deftly checking Koenig’s trachea. She tended to listen to him on days like this, as he did for her when she felt the same way. Yet today even she wouldn’t speak out. By this point, Fitz really needed to move. The lighting, voices, smells and the temperature were wrong. The room stank of death and dust, unlike the relaxing sterility of his lab. Beginning to feel panic set in, he chose to attempt to confront Coulson, hoping that he at least would be sympathetic and just let Fitz get out of there. Facing up to things wasn’t exactly his priority at that point in time. 

He didn’t want to listen to the autopsy report. However, Coulson had deemed it essential, so he had no choice, even though his heart was pounding and he could barely pay attention to any of it. For once, Simmons seemed unwilling to disclose her findings, stumbling across the words she normally used with ease. That was, until she stopped and uttered the phrase Fitz never wanted to hear: “Ward did this.” Her words were like a tsunami crashing through his brain, overwhelming everything in a sea of panic, frustration and denial. Fitz had no choice; he let himself be swept along with the tide as the pots and pans clattered around him.

\---

Jemma was there, dragging him back with the grip they’d agreed on, the jabs of pain from her fingers helping him to refocus. She seemed worried, which was unsurprising, considering the dishes he’d thrown to the floor. Then Coulson was by his side, reminding him that there was still hope. That he had a job to do. Calming his breathing, Leo Fitz listened to his team leader’s words. That pain was something to be controlled and focussed into effort. Into trying to do the right thing, no matter who or what went wrong. Shaking slightly still, he let himself be led away from the room towards the task that awaited him.


End file.
